Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
