I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
