I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
