break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
