So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
