chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
