Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
