I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
