Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
