I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He better not be in your backpack
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
