my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Randomize
