She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
