matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
