it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It's rum buckets o'clock
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
