I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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