Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
