What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
