i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
