I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Alive.
So much puke
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
