i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
