we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize