You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I touched a dick in church today
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