this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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