Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize