When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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