So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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