If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
