Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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