I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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