i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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