I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
