We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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