how can u be prego again
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
