dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize