U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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