Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
