That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
