nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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