I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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