this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
