hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
