Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
