I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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