Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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