I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
