my phone needs a breathalizer
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize