I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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