Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
