I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
