they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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