I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
