Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Actions speak louder than pants.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
