I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
