Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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