The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
