There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize