My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
