I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
