i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
