yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
