Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
