you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
