Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
