Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
