***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize