the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
