those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
