My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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