I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
