I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
