new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
