he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
