mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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