you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
