Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
