WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
