Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize