I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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