Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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