thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
