Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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