VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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