chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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