I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
