she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
