I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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