Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He shit in the fireplace
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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