come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
