I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
