you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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