He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize