My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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