even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
