he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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