I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
