You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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